Maya first called 13 11 14 in 2013 when she found the painful circumstances in her life were increasing her distress and overwhelming her capacity to cope.
Like many people who seek help from Lifeline, she never wanted to end her life but her emotional pain was so great that she couldn’t see a way forward alone. She made the brave decision to pick up the phone and ask for help.
I thought before I go and make any decisions, I wanted to speak to someone who’s removed from the situation. I wanted to speak to someone who doesn’t know me or my family and I was kind of deep down hoping that they would agree with me, that I shouldn’t be here.
I called Lifeline instead, and
When I called Lifeline, they calmed me down to start off with because I wasn't getting any words out, nothing coherent. I didn’t know how I was going to talk to the person on the phone and I felt like I was wasting their time because all I could do was cry and I couldn't even get any words out.
I spoke to someone who just sat and listened to me cry, which was almost relieving because I didn’t have to say anything. I could just sit there, pour my heart out and I had this person on the phone saying “it’s OK”, reassuring me and letting me know what I needed to do.
They listened to me, they heard what I had to say and it was like a weight off my shoulders. Finally, I could stop the tears, I could stop the hysterics, I could talk and get help. It was like after a thunderstorm passes and everything clears up.
The crisis supporter got me questioning and challenging why I thought the way I did. It helped to have somebody who was of a rational mind, who was an outside party who could make me think about what I was about to do, rationally outside of the emotion. I made the decision to do what was right, not what was easy.
It's really scary to talk to somebody who you don't know about what's going on in your head, but it is a lot scarier to battle the demons on your own and to nearly have them win. So I would rather take the first option.
I’m eternally grateful to them, I don’t know what their name is - I just remember she was a female. I have no recollection of anything else except for the fact that she told me I was worth it. She told me that life would not be better for my kids if I wasn’t there. That’s my story.